Yeah, Write

Graduation Day

I half expected to be bored for 3 hours at my stepson's graduation yesterday, as I was at my own high school graduation 18 years ago. Let's face it, I was even bored at my college graduation 4 years later. But in both cases, I was one person in a sea of identical mortar boards, filing onto a vast stage with 700+ other students for a 5-second handshake, diploma handoff, and hurried snapshot.

But yesterday, Jeremy had the good fortune to be one of 92 students filing onto an intimately lit stage, and 20 of them either spoke or performed. He graduated from the Academy of Math, Engineering & Sciences (an early-college charter high school), and the ceremony was held on the campus of the University of Utah in Kingsbury Hall.

I was inspired by the students' bright, fresh faces. Their hope for the future. Their ambitious plans. I felt acutely that not so long ago, I was just like them, bursting with big plans and excited to see what life would bring me next.

If I could go back and talk to myself at age 18, I would do my best to convince me that I'm capable of more than I think. That I should grasp onto every opportunity presented with both hands. That I should never let fear and insecurity hold me back from my potential, as it did too many times. And that's what I hope for Jeremy, too, although figuring it all out for yourself is an important part of growing up. (Wouldn't it be nice, though, to relive those young-adult years with the confidence and self-assurance you gain as you age?)

It was so heart-warming to see him standing on that stage. He has officially closed one chapter of his life, and he's more than ready to move on to the next. I hope life will be good to him.

Good luck, class of 2012!

 

p.s. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that beneath that serious and elegant gown was a decidedly worse-for-wear Metallica t-shirt.

p.p.s. Notice that I did not say "graduated high school" (an error I heard just this week from a newscaster) but instead said "graduated from high school." I wrote all about that in 5 Grammar Tips to Make You Sound Smarter from a few years ago.

 

The Pursuit of Balance

When I think about what I want out of life, the word that often comes to mind for me is "balance." But I wonder if that's just another way for me to try to have it all, in a way that gives me tiny doses of everything I want.

Balance is hard. And I've recently realized that it isn't possible achieve a state of balance, which I think was my secret goal. As I've learned from practising yoga, if a person appears to be balanced and at ease, in reality there's intense effort there—all kinds of muscles, big and small, working together to hold onto the pose, not to mention a mind that's alert, calm, and focused. This is definitely not easy. And it's not a state of being; it's a focused effort.

There are two areas that I find particularly hard to balance.

 

1. You can't Strive for Excellence and Be Content with What You Have at the same time.

Both are virtues. I know and love people who are masters at looking on the bright side, being happy with their lot in life, and generally accepting themselves and others as they are. However, these aren't always the same people who are consistently innovating and breaking records.

I also admire people who hold themselves and others to a high standard, and manage to inspire excellence in those around them. There can be a dark side to this tendency. It can be easy to overlook achievements and focus only on what didn't go right. But if that is what makes you try harder and better next time, then is it really a bad thing?

If you're overly content with everything, what motivates you to excel, progress, and innovate?

If you're overly focused on always getting better, stronger, or faster, how do you find satisfaction in who you are right now?

 

2. You can't Plan for Productivity and Live in the Moment at the same time.

I want to do both. I love days when I feel productive, like I lived up to my potential, like I managed to complete a long list of tasks of all sorts in record time. But those aren't the days that I just let the inspiration of the moment lead me. Those aren't the days that I take leisurely walks with my daughter around the neighborhood, letting ideas percolate and solidify in my mind.

If you're always living in the moment, this can cripple productivity.

If your life is overly planned to achieve maximum productivity, it's difficult to find time to stop and smell the roses. (And somehow, I think writing "stop and smell the roses" in your planner at 3 p.m. on Tuesday is missing the point.)

 

Finding Balance
I've been thinking about this a little bit and imagining these opposing values as either end of a teeter-totter. I've realized that dead center (in other words, perfectly static and balanced) is NOT where I want to be. I have to walk to one side and then the other. It's important to be up, and then down—to experience both ends of the spectrum and gain insight and understanding from each, being careful not to stay at either end for too long.

I recently saw a series of productivity videos advertised that said we should be in pursuit of priorities rather than balance. It's an interesting idea and very foreign to how I naturally think. I typically fool myself into thinking that I'm juggling all the things I love at once. But in reality, when two things you value are in opposition to one another, you can't do both at the same time.

And besides, standing in the middle of the teeter totter is not likely to give you a very fun ride.

You have to choose one side, and then the other, and then the first again, or you'll go nowhere. This is, essentially, prioritization, which I do every minute of every day. What I don't do is admit that I'm focusing on one thing in lieu of another. If I did, I might make some different choices. And maybe that's the key.

How about you? Can you relate? What opposing areas of your life do you have trouble balancing?

A Take Twelve Family Adventure: May

One thing I love about the Take Twelve year-long photography challenge is that I have a reason and a deadline, once a month, to take pictures of whatever is going on that day. It's so easy to get busy with life and forget to pick up my camera very often. But on the 12th of every month, I'm behind the lens all day long.

On May 12, my brother's family was in town from Arizona for a dance competition for my 13-year-old niece. So Keira and I spent the day at Lagoon.

Journaling reads:
I spent so many hours at Lagoon as a child. It epitomizes summer for me. I was thrilled to share it with my daughter for the first time. She loved her first ride on Bulgy the Whale, despite being overdue for her nap. We were there for cousin Haylee's power tap competition—me, Keira, grandma Janet, Dan, Alli, Suz, Haylee and Breanna.

And here's a close-up of Keira riding Bulgy the Whale. Cutest thing ever! The ride was moving pretty quickly at this point, so I'm amazed my Nikon captured such a clear shot in sports mode.

And now for my only relative who finished her page this month by the deadline, my sister-in-law Suzanne. Since we were together most of the day on the 12th, we borrowed each others' pictures, so some of these shots may look a little bit familiar.

It was fun to have a buddy to actually scrapbook with this time around. Suz and I scrapbooked away in my office, while her kids entertained Keira in the next room. (And I taught my nieces how to heat-emboss, which occupied them for literally hours!)

Looking for more ideas for how to scrapbook pages that feature 12 photos? Check out the 12-photo layout ideas on the Ella blog. I was in charge of doing the write-up this month, so you'll see my page over there as well.

I love the month of May. I love looking forward to summer. I LOVE having family in town. What are you loving right now?

Alone in the Boat

Today I realized again just how important it is to write. And to write in the moment.

I just stumbled across a post I wrote exactly one year ago today, The End of Infertility? And yes, those words are as true as ever. After 19 months of being in the "honeymoon phase" of being a new mom, I was suddenly, out of the blue, struck with some of that old infertility grief this past weekend.

Yes, my childlessness has certainly been cured. I will not ever be able to adequately express my gratitude for that. And yet, the infertility is still there, an ever present thing. By acknowledging it, and naming it, and putting words around it, I can at least attempt to frame it and understand it. Which does help, a little.

I can't help thinking that there must be some reason I'm dragging this up at this moment, that maybe there's someone who needs to hear these words. Because today I stumbled across yet another blog post, one that I didn't ever publish, for whatever reason, that was just sitting in my drafts folder.

Here's what I wrote in August 2010 and did not publish:

Alone in the Boat

Last week, I opened up to you all about the fact that I am infertile. Wow, it gets a little bit easier every time I say it. I have to remind myself frequently that I'm not ashamed of it. It is a fact, and it is part of my life.

I have to tell you a sad and then sweet story.

When you're infertile, you tend to gather around you a handful of friends who are in the same boat as you, who know what you're going through and can relate to your pain.

This last April, each of my infertile friends became pregnant, one by one.

How could I begrudge my sweet cousin, who has an 8 year-old son and has been trying to get him a sibling ever since, when she became pregnant with a little girl? How could I be upset when another friend, who had been dealing with horrendous medical issues for 2 years and had a very difficult time becoming pregnant the first time (5 years ago), had an unexpected miracle pregnancy? And when another friend, who had been right there with me for 4 of my 6 years of infertility, told us she was pregnant that very same week, how could I not be happy for her?

I had a very hard week that week. And I kept those feelings to myself until I could congratulate each friend with true sincerity. Each responded with such grace and sweet sympathy, knowing exactly how I felt.  It wasn't that I wanted them back on the raft with me, of course not. Instead, I wanted to be swimming to motherhood shore with them. 

That week, I said to my husband, "Looks like I'm rowing the infertility boat alone now."

"No you're not," he said. "I'm rowing with you."

He said the perfect thing at the perfect time. And I'll never forget it.

But there's also a truly amazing, miraculous, nearly unbelievable thing about this, a side to this story that reminds me again why I believe so strongly that there's a master plan at work for each of us. And here it is:

While my three closest infertile friends all came to be expecting babies at the same time, and I felt so utterly alone and left behind, it turns out that I also had a baby on the way. I just didn't know it yet. (And here's the story of how she arrived.)

Keira Jane Lucas is 2 days older than my infertile cousin's daughter. She's 2.5 weeks older than my infertile friend's son. And she's 2.5 months older than my other infertile friend's daughter. How miraculous is that?

Maybe the person who most needed to hear these words today was me.

The ABC's of Keira: D

Keira Jane's very first residence (and only residence so far) is the red brick house on Diamond Way, where she has spent many blissful hours chasing the dog around the backyard. She said "Dada" long before she said "Mama," and in fact called BOTH of us "Dada" for quite some time. One of my favorite sounds in the world is her shrieking an excited, high-pitched, and almost breathless "Daddy!" when he comes home from work each day. I predict that she will be a little Daddy's Girl for sure.

Grandpa Don (aka "Papa" Don) is one of Keira's favorite people on earth. When she sees his yellow truck in front of the house, she nearly starts shaking with excitement and runs around the room yelling "Papa! Papa!" She spends a couple of hours with grandpa Don and grandma Bev every Monday morning, and ever since she was itty bitty, he'd carry her around the house and yard for hours, patiently giving names to everything they see. "Keira, this is a lamp. It turns on and off like this. Yes, that's a mirror. Can you see the baby in the mirror? Keira, that's a school bus out the window. It's picking up all the kids to take them home."

Also, the two of them dance together. Grandpa walks to the CD closet and allows Keira to pick any CD she wants (which might be Emmylou Harris or George Strait, or someone in between). He puts the music on, and the two of them waltz and/or bounce around the living room. I'll never forget peering around the corner and seeing the two of them, 80 years apart but truly kindred spirits, gliding around the blue carpet to the sounds of classic country.

Even when she's not in the arms of grandpa Don, this girl loves to dance, as demonstrated by this video from when she was 11 months old:

She also has an extra grandpa who lives next door to us, Mr. Dominguez, who gave her a little Santa dress for Christmas and just lights up like a Christmas tree every time he sees her. He also gave her two ceramic ducks that his wife painstakingly painted years ago, just because she so admired a couple of larger ceramic ducks that adorned his coffee table one day during a visit. (She'd point and announce "guck! guck!"). Such kindness.

Keira has a cousin named Derek, who's five years older, but so kind and gentle with her. When we go visit them in Arizona, he is just fascinated by everything she does. He even offers input on how we should style her hair. ("I like it when she has a horn on top of her head!" Horn = single ponytail like Pebbles from the Flintstones.)

Keira with cousin Derek when she was just a few weeks old.

Her uncle Dan was the first of her non-grandparent relatives to pay her a visit when she was brand, brand new. He's a devoted uncle, for sure, and he can always get little "KJ" (his favorite nickname for her) to laugh. His name was also the first of my siblings' names Keira managed to pronounce. Granted, it's not super hard to say "Dan," if you already know how to say "Dad," but Uncle Dan still claims a solid victory over Aunt Alli in this arena.

I can't believe how small she was!

Because her mama fell in love with the scent of Dreft, Keira's clothing is still washed separately to retain that baby-fresh scent as long as possible—19 months and counting.

Before I go, Keira's Aunt Alli (or "Addie" as Keira calls her) told me there's one D word I simply could not leave out of this post, at that word is: dainty. Yes, our Keira has always been a little peanut, weighing in at just 20 pounds at 19 months old. By contrast, she has a baby cousin, one year and 3 days younger than she is, who is now tipping the scales at 22 pounds. While I definitely think she's a tough cookie, she's downright delicate compared to her two closest cousins in age, who are both boys and both large and in charge.

Little Keira Jane sandwiched between Graham (1 year younger) and Townes (8 months older).

April Scrapbooking Fun

I may have skipped March's Take 12 layout, but I DID take the photos, which is the important part. And I didn't let being behind on my March page keep me from finishing my April page, though, and I hope you won't either if you're playing along with the Take Twelve photography challenge!

Here's what I created this time around, using coordinated products from Echo Park Paper.

Click image for larger view or to read journaling. One image blurred at request of the subject.

I love how using coordinated paper lines makes creative decisions SO easy. I finished this layout in about 45 minutes this morning, with many cute little interruptions from Keira. And yes, I've warned Jeremy that if he pulls weird faces when I pull out the camera, I WILL scrapbook them. Doesn't hurt me!

And here's my sister-in-law, Suzanne's, layout for April. I love that she's playing along from Arizona; it's a fun way to feel connected from so far away.

 

And speaking of feeling connected from far away, I hope you'll join us at Ella Publishing Co. for Spring Training! It starts next week. You'll spend 2 weeks enjoying 18 videos that will educate you, inspire you, and hold you accountable to daily crafting. And why would you want to craft daily, you ask? Because it's the best way to help you exercise your scrapbooking muscles, try fun new things, and set yourself up so that creative accidents can happen! (And by "creative accidents," I mean awesome creative things that happen by accident, not accidentally stabbing yourself in the thigh with fine-point scissors.)

And because it's my company, and I can do this, I'm going to share with YOU the Welcome video that only registered "Craft-letes" get to see. It's me and Wendy reminding you why this is cool and issuing a little warm-up exercise to get you ready for next week!

 

And, if you've stuck with me through my sporadic blogging of the past few months, you can save 15% off Spring Training 2012 when you enter the code DUMBBELL! It's going to be RAD. Seriously. I can't wait!!!

Breaking the Baby Stereotype

She'll mingle with goats.

And ride on a pony that's 50 times her size.

But she won't go near a baby bunny. Or a baby lamb. Or a baby duck, turkey, or chick. No way. Not a chance. And the look of terror that crosses her face when she's coaxed to reach out and pet one of these tiny creatures cannot be described.

Hmmm. Big animals = climb aboard! No big deal. Tiny animals = climb the nearest adult's pant leg, whether or not you know the adult to whom the leg belongs.

Other Ways Keira Breaks the Baby Mold
She barely tolerates milk, but she loves imported French mineral water. LOVES it.

She never developed stranger anxiety. She has always let almost anyone hold her, at least for a second or two.

She'd rather drink water than juice.

She likes low-fat Mozzarella much better than higher-fat Cheddar. In general, she automatically dislikes anything with calories in it, which is unfortunate since we're doing everything we can to help her bust out of that 5th percentile in height and weight.

She doesn't mind taking naps. You mention "nap" or "bedtime," and she starts humming her favorite lullaby. (If you hum something other than her favorite lullaby while rocking her to sleep, she will interrupt you.)

But there's one way that Keira is a very sterotypical 18-month-old toddler: she was petrified of the Easter Bunny at the mall. She temporarily sprouted kitten claws just so she could cling to my sweater for dear life.

A Story About Today in Four Parts

Part One: Background
My sister and her four cute kids are in town from California. We arranged for a photo shoot with my friend, Elisha Snow, in scenic Farmington, Utah. Elisha took us to a gorgeous orchard filled with blossoming cherry trees and photographed all five kids individually and in various groupings. Pictured: Gillian, age 5.

 

Part Two: Serendipity.
There was a black and white cat roaming the orchard. Of course there was a cat! When you want five kids under the age of 7 to stay in one general area for a photo shoot, there's always a cat to chase. You can't blame Keira for taking every opportunity to race to the west end of the orchard in search of the "gogga" (she's not yet distinguishing between dogs and cats). I captured a moment of pure serendipity with my iPhone as Gillian followed Keira directly into a sunbeam. No special apps or filters or editing at all. Just the right kind of light and a little bit of magic. 

 

Part Three: Hungry.
We tried to feed everyone earlier than their typical dinnertime, so there would be no rumbly tummies during the shoot. Keira wouldn't eat much and was therefore ravenous for the ride home. No amount of prunes, craisins, Teddy Grahams, or Just Corn would appease her. Meanwhile, Gillian quietly played with my iPhone during the ride. It was only when I arrived home that I saw how Gillian was really entertaining herself—by snapping iPhone photos of Keira crying.

 

Part Four: Pedicure.
Gillian's only other secret photography subjects were her recently painted toes. There were several angles and views of her pretty little piggies, but this is definitely the best. And here I thought she was playing Angry Birds.

 

The End.

The ABC's of Keira: C

Keira loves fruit of all kinds, but especially cherries, and her mom loves it when Mt. Rainier cherries are in season, because they don't stain clothes and fingers. Dried cranberries are also a favorite.

The first baby sign she used on her own was for cracker (take one fist and knock it on the opposite elbow), and she'd loudly shout "cackoo" when she wanted one. But now she's decided "cackoo" also means cookie, snack, and just food in general, so it's not always easy to produce the item she's actually trying to ask for. She mastered the word cheese fairly early as well (although, oddly, she doesn't care for cheddar, only white cheeses). She pronounces it exactly like one of her other favorite things, namely keys.

Her first favorite song was by a hippie band called Canned Heat. As young as 4 months old, she'd start dancing and bobbing whenever dad played the song "Goin Up the Country" for her. (Her daddy rediscovered this long-forgotten song in the movie The Blind Side.) And it is a sight to watch this girl dance. I think her spine must be made of rubber.

She loves to color and draw, but not on paper, unfortunately. She'll keep the crayon or other drawing implement near the paper for about 30 seconds, and then she wants to draw in 3d. And nothing is safe.

She has a cousin named Carson who is a full generation older than she is.

We dressed her as a cow for her second Halloween, which was somewhat ironic, since milk and other dairy products were problematic for her at the time. She's now outgrown both the costume and the dairy sensitivity.

And while cute hardly seems adequate, that's a word I simply can't leave out. She'll always be my cutie-pie.

Announcing Everyday Storyteller

I've been invited to be a part of this awesome eBook compendium featuring some really fun people in the scrapbooking industry! Here's a screencap of just three of the 33 contributors (those closest to me alphabetically). Others include Jessica Sprague, Renee Pearson, Amy Tan, Tiffany Tillman, Katrina Kennedy, Debbie Hodge, and more!

 

Check out a few pics, bios, sneak peeks, and more by clicking the banner below...