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Green Things

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Green Thing #1

Here’s a layout I created about my recent girls’ weekend with my nieces (SO fun!). All the products are from the Quite Contrary line from My Mind’s Eye. In honor of St. Patrick’s Day, this layout is wearing little bits of green. (I wouldn’t want it to get pinched!) Check out four more projects created with My Mind’s Eye’s beautiful products at The Daily Trumpet and the My Mind’s Eye blogs today.

Green Thing #2

This shall be our dinner tonight. Roasted corned beef brisket, colcannon (an Irish pototo-and-cabbage dish), and green jello with whipped cream. We also traditionally have green pancakes and green eggs for breakfast on St. Paddy’s Day! In case you’re wondering, I do have a bit of Irish blood running through my veins, but it’s equally mixed with Scottish, Welsh, and English. I am the United Kingdom, embodied. 

Note: Today, when my husband teased me once again about my “Irish temper,” I called him a “big dumb Viking,” which made both of us laugh heartily. His heritage is primarily Norwegian, and while his peoples briefly conquered my peoples in the 11th century, we’ve dominated ever since.

Green Thing #3

Have you ever wondered where the cliche “green with envy” came from? I’ve yet to see a jealous person turn green, although I have personally turned visibly green from seasickness (both while crossing the English Channel as a new college graduate and while attempting to sail out of Newport Bay, California, with my sister’s family).

I'm the one lying prone on the bow of the boat. I would have made a terrific Viking.

Anyway, according to The Dictionary of Cliches by James Rogers, here is the origin of the phrase "green with envy":

People who are unwell are often said to look pale or green; the “pale” is plain enough to the observer, but the “green” takes a little imagination. Someone who is deeply envious feels unwell mentally, and this is apparently why he is said to be green. “Green” is also a Scottish verb meaning “to yearn.” The notion of turning green with envy appears in Charles Read’s Hard Cash (1863): “The doctor was turning almost green with envy.”

Rogers should come sailing with me sometime if he thinks it takes imagination to detect a green pallor on a sick person’s face.

In a similar vein, the term “green-eyed monster” also refers to jealousy, but this one has its roots in Shakespeare’s Othello:
            O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;
            It is the green-eyed monster, which doth mock
            The meat it feeds on...

The Dictionary of Cliches explains: “The allusion is to cats and tigers and other green-eyed animals, which toy with their victims before eating them, just as a jealous lover may both love and hate his beloved if he believes a rival is gaining her affections.”

There you have it.

Go green!

~A

Chicken-fried Grammar

Although I've personally been quite clear about the animal origin of chicken-fried steak since at least age 23, there are plenty of other facts that have escaped my notice until more recently.

But after Thursday's post, it occurs to me that chicken-fried steak (a badly named dish indeed) is still causing some confusion. And it has everything to do with the importance of the hyphen. Even restaurants that keep impeccable kitchens can be quite sloppy when it comes to hyphenating the compound adjectives on their menus. So, I figured a quick grammar lesson was in order.

A compound adjective is comprised of two adjectives working together to describe a noun. The fact that chicken-fried steak is steak rather than chicken is revealed in the construction of the phrase. Steak comes last, and it's being described by "chicken-fried." By the same logic, you know that a chicken-salad sandwich is a sandwich. If you read "chicken salad sandwich," you might assume it was a list of three different things and that someone forgot to include the commas. (Menus are known to do that as well.)

Here are a few parallel examples to "chicken-fried steak" that will help cement this fact:

Chicken-fried steak
Steak that has been fried like chicken. The steak is breaded and fried the same way fried chicken is breaded and fried, and its typically served with mashed potatoes and gravy. Bring on the heart disease! (And don't even get me started on "chicken-fried chicken." There's one too many "chickens" in that phrase.)

Chocolate-covered strawberries
Strawberries that have been covered in chocolate.

Citrus-glazed salmon
Salmon that has been glazed with citrus.

Man-eating shark
A shark that eats humans.

In the above examples, if there were no hyphen to designate the compound adjective, the phrases could be read as poorly constructed sentences:

Man eating shark. Man eating eel. Man getting indigestion.

Chicken fried steak. And then steak got its revenge with a fire poker.

Chocolate covered strawberry. And rock covered paper. But strawberry tasted better.

Does that help?

:-)

20 Ways to Define a Decade

No one is quite sure yet what this last decade will be called as we move forward and start trying to define, understand, and compartmentalize it. The '80s were all about big hair, glam rock, and general excess. The '90s were the decade of grunge, flannel, and angst. What will we collectively decide the '00s were all about? And how will we pronounce it?

I say we should all band together and call this departing decade the "ohs." None of this "noughties" or "two-thousands" nonsense. Who's with me?

On that note, here is my non-comprehensive list of items that have characterized the '00s. What would you add to it?

1. The cell-phone explosion. I got my first cell phone in 1999, and I knew plenty of people who were still vehemently resisting the trend. "I've survived this long without one," they'd say, just before capitulating and becoming instantly dependent.

2. Closely related to item #1 is the rise of texting. It's so convenient. So pervasive. So annoying.

3. Text and e-mail shorthand. LMAO! ROFL!

4. Capri pants. How I shall be sad to see them go away. (Or have they already? Not in my wardrobe.)

5. Apple mania. The iPod, the iPhone, the iMac, the iEverything. I've heard it suggested that we call the '00s the iDecade (for more reasons than Apple alone).

6. Customization. Get your purple iPod, your designer M&Ms, your photo on a Kleenex box.

7. Google and the verbification thereof. "Hang on, let me google that for you..."

8. High heels with jeans. In particular, ridiculously impractical pointy-toe high heels.

9. The rise of the entitled generation. Go ahead, google this phrase; you'll get 14.6 million results. (Members of the entitled generation do NOT realize that they're entitled, so shhh...)

10. Empire-waist tops and skinny jeans. I hope empire-waist tops stick around for another decade. For once, there's a trend that flatters my body—and pretty much everybody's body.

11. The return of bangs. Come on, how many of us finally tried some softly sideswept bangs after eschewing them for two decades because of the bang nightmare of the '80s? Thanks Reese Witherspoon and Jennifer Garner!

15. The rumpled, tousled look in men's hair. (And I'm not just talking about Robert Pattinson. Think Jason Bateman, Matthew McConaughey, Prince William.)

13. Self-publishing. Everyone's blogging, vlogging, posting to YouTube, broadcasting who they are and what they're doing at every minute of the day.

14. Along the same lines as #12, we have: connectivity. Cell phones, Blackberries, iPhones, laptops, linkedin.com, myspace.com, Facebook, Flickr, Twitter. The '00s were all about being plugged in and hooked up.

15. Red Mini Coopers and lime green VW Beetles: the iconic '00s cars. Right?

16. Out-of-control neologisms. (Neologism = newly coined word.) You know what I'm talking about: "metrosexual," "Bennifer," "Brangelina," "fugly," "staycation," "womenomics," and the list goes endlessly on.

17. Domesticity, ruffly aprons, everyday gourmet, Rachel Ray.

18. Oprah verging on becoming a supernatural being. Back in the '90s, who could have predicted the power Oprah would one day wield? (Besides Oprah herself, that is.)

19. Environmentalism. Green is the new black.

20. The cult of creativity. Everything's handmade, homemade, self-made, DIY. I place scrapbooking firmly in this category, thanks in part to the proliferation of digital cameras. Go ahead, embrace that inner artist!

Okay, what have I missed? Please share!

Happy National Punctuation Day?!?

Alert reader Abbie Miller notified me of a holiday that I've failed to celebrate lo these 33 years, but I shall neglect it no longer! Today is National Punctuation Day. And some people are celebrating by baking giant chocolate-chip cookies in the shape of question marks and commas. (Tip: an ellipsis would be MUCH easier...)

I might consider trying to form tonight's dinner (grilled wild Alaskan salmon fillets) into exclamation points, but I'm not going to make any promises. And had I known there was an "Official Meat Loaf of National Punctuation Day" (see a picture here and even download the recipe), something different would have been on the menu tonight, my friends. (Can you HEAR the relief coming from Travis and Jeremy right now?)

In honor of this historic occasion, I'm not only going to use excessive parentheses in this post (see above and below), I'm also going to introduce you to a punctuation mark that I only recently discovered—one that is long overdue, in my humble opinion. It is called "the interrobang." For some reason, I find the article "the" important. It doesn't sound right to say "an interrobang." Oh no. This is THE INTERROBANG. (I almost want to duck every time I hear it or type it.)

Do you like it? I made it myself. THE INTERROBANG is a "nonstandard English punctuation mark," so it doesn't show up in very many fonts. (Look for it as a special character in Wingdings 2.) It's basically a combination of an exclamation point and a question mark, so I layered the two together in my blog's signature font, Baileywick Gothic, and made my own. Although you may have never heard of THE INTERROBANG before, it really can be quite useful. Consider these expressions (shown first without THE INTERROBANG and then with it):

"You and Zack did what with my hairdryer and a box of matches?!?"
"You and Zack did what with my hairdryer and a box of matches‽"

"What the...?!?"
"What the...‽"

"Your dad's new girlfriend is how old?!?"
"Your dad's new girlfriend is how old‽"

"How much did you pay for those shoes?!?!"
"How much did you pay for those shoes‽"

In those all-too-frequent situations where THE INTERROBANG is not available to you, you may be wondering if there's a particular pattern you should use for your exclamation points and question marks. Here's what Wikipedia has to say on the subject: "The question mark frequently comes first (to emphasize that it is a question), although there is no universal style rule on the subject." And in general, you want to avoid overly long strings of "?!?!?!??!?!" because at a certain point they lose their effectiveness. In my opinion "?!?" or "?!?!" is generally sufficient.

Lucas out‽

Yes.

p.s. I'm not making this up. The above quotes came from Wikipedia. Grammar Girl has also covered THE INTERROBANG on her podcast. And someone on etsy.com once made it into a necklace, but it's sold out.

Words that Fit vs. Words that Don't

Isn't it about time for a grammar or word-related post? I think so too. Behold:

Six words that fit their definitions.

1. "Weird" is indeed a very weird-sounding word. Go ahead, say it out loud.
2. "Awkward" is exceedingly awkward to spell.
3. "Aardvark" sounds just as ugly as the animal is.
4. "Grotesque" can hardly be uttered without an accompanying snarl.
5. "Balloon" has a soft, round sound to it, don't you think?
6. "Melodious" rolls off the tongue like a melody.

Six words that don't fit.

1. "Abbreviate" is WAY too long. We like to use "abbreve" at our house instead.
2. "Siesta" sounds way too peppy to mean "nap." Surely because it rhymes with "fiesta."
3. "Penultimate" is far too grandiose to mean "second to last."
4. "Hyberbole" sounds like something from geometry rather than meaning "exaggerating for effect." An example of hyperbole: "This project is going to take a million years to complete!"
5. "Gesticulate." After encountering this word in a short story, my stepson thought it was a cross between "guess" and "speculate." (Quite a good gesticulation, right?) But it really means "to express by gesturing" or "to talk with one's hands." It is often followed by the adverb "wildly."
6. "Stentorian" has such a dignified and academic feel that it can't really mean "extremely loud," can it?
   "Did you hear that stentorian rock band the other night? It was off the hook!" Bad example, I know. But even if I heard, "His stentorian voice reverberated through the hall," I'd imagine an elderly gentleman pontificating in an 18th-century British accent.

There are oh so many more, but this is what comes to mind at the moment. I also think that "opaque" sounds like it should mean "transparent" instead of the exact opposite, but that's probably just me.

Would you like to add to my list?

Words That Aren't Words

This week's grammar post is short and sweet—a quick list of my favorite words that aren't really words.

1. Irregardless.
The word you want is "regardless." I have no idea where the "ir-" prefix came from, but please do your part to help banish it from the English language.

YES: Regardless of the weather, the wedding will go on.
NO: Irregardless of the weather the wedding will go on.

2. Unthaw.
You can either freeze something or you can thaw it. If you're "unthawing" it, you're actually freezing it, so save a syllable or two and just go with "freeze."

YES: It took 5 minute to thaw the hamburger in the microwave.
NO: It took 5 minutes to unthaw the hamburger in the microwave.


3. Ignernt.
I find this one quite endearing, for whatever reason. It always makes me smile. It's the word "ignorant" shortened to just two syllables, and in some regions of the country it is used in place of the word "rude."

NO: That ignernt driver just cut me off!
YES: That inconsiderate driver just cut me off! ("Rude" or "jackass" would also work in place of "inconsiderate.")
YES: That driver seems to be ignorant of the rules of safe driving.

4. Self-depreciating.
I know I've mentioned this one before, but it warrants mentioning again. The term is "self-deprecating," and you can hear how it's pronounced by clicking on the little sound symbol next to the word at dictionary.com.

YES: Her self-deprecating remarks made everyone laugh.
NO: Her self-depreciating remarks caused her to lose value as she aged.

5. Flustrated.
One person from my not-so-distant past used this term exclusively in place of "frustrated." I'm not the kind of person to correct such habits, so I always let it slide. But just for the record, it's not a word.

NO: I get so flustrated when my kids fight.
YES: I get so frustrated when my kids fight.
YES: I get so flustered when my kids fight, especially if they fight while I'm on the phone.

6. Flush out.
Well, I suppose you can "flush out" a bird that's hiding in a dense thicket, but if you're talking about filling in missing details, you want to use "flesh out."

NO: This is just a first draft, I'll flush out the story later. (What? You mean down the toilet?)
YES: This is just a first draft, I'll flesh out the story later.

And here are a few more:
supposably
ginormous
hugemongous
slickery
analyzation
impactful
disorientated
ecscape
sherbert (it's "sherbet")
perservere (it's "persevere;" skip that extra "r")
could of, should of, would of ("could have" is the correct term)
gruntled (you can be "disgruntled," but not just "gruntled")

p.s. I frequently use "slickery," "ginormous," and even "supposably" (thanks, Joey from Friends!) just to be funny, knowing full well that they aren't really words. But only when speaking, of course.

This Will Only Happen Twice in the History of the World!

Thanks to Anu Garg, the mastermind behind the A Word A Day email newsletter that is ever enlarging my vocabulary, I have been informed of a twice-in-the-history-of-the-world event that will happen tomorrow, twice!

Tomorrow, just after midnight and again just after noon, your watch will read 12:34:56 on 07/08/09. Take a moment, or perhaps two moments, to celebrate! I'll schedule tomorrow's grammar post to go live at exactly that time. And I also plan to look at the clock for one full second, say "wow," and then forget about it immediately.

As Anu Garg pointed out, similar "events" have happened in the past:
01:23:45 6/7/89
12:34.56 7/8/90
01:02:03 04/05/06

And, in just a couple of months, we can look forward to 09:09:09 09/09/09. Will the fun never stop?

A Word A Day is commemorating this sequential event by sharing five words this week that have three or more letters in alphabetic sequence. Today's word is "limnology: the study of bodies of water, like lakes and ponds," while yesterday's was "defenestrate: to throw something out of a window." Click here to sign up to see the rest of this week's words. I predict that "hijinks" could possibly be on the list this week.

Big Dog in a Little Bathtub

Yes, it's April Fools' Day, but this is no joke. Here is a task I have to complete twice weekly:
Bathe this dog in this bathtub. Convince her to stay put so her feet, which have a staph infection, can soak in the suds from the medicated shampoo. Then scour this bathtub. When the vet informed me that this was to be my task, I think my expression exactly mirrored Ruby's.

I know, baby, I know. You've got it rough.

Now for a bit of word nerd fun. It wasn't until college that I realized "bath" cannot be used as a verb. This must be something of a Utah/Idaho colloquialism, because I definitely heard it outside of my immediate family. It took four years of gentle teasing from my college roommates for me to break the habit. This usage is so ingrained that I feel like I'm putting on airs when I say, "I'm going to bathe my dog." It feels like it should be followed by, "And then will you have Wilson bring the car around? Ruby and I are going out for a puppy pedicure. Thank you so very much." However, "I'm going to bath my dog" sounds very, very wrong. So I choose to rephrase: "Ruby's getting a bath today."

About Those Links

If you haven't visited the For Word Nerds links at right, do give them a whirl. You don't even have to be a nerd to enjoy them! I'd like to briefly spotlight a couple, plus one more link that's funny and word-related but not quite worthy of the nerd list.

1. The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks
While lunching at a local hot spot...wait, I'm not writing for People magazine. (At least I didn't use the verbs "nosh" or "canoodle.") Anyway, while out to lunch at a nearby Mexican restaurant on Saturday, I spotted a menu item worthy of inclusion on The "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks.

Apparently, the Crab Enchiladas contain a substance resembling "real crab meat." You know, if there were no quotation marks, I wouldn't doubt the authenticity of the crab meat. But now, even the emphatic assertion that it's real doesn't cancel out the effects of those unnecessary quotation marks. For even funnier examples of quotation marks run amok, pay a visit to the "blog." I have as much fun reading Bethany's witty commentary as I do laughing at all the excessive punctuation.

2. Save the Words
I'd been here before to look around, but my pal Renee just reminded me about Save the Words, and I actually adopted my first word today! It's completely free, and they even send you a certificate of adoption. Here's mine:
I definitely adopted a winner. "Mingent" is an adjective meaning "discharging urine." Oh, I can think of lots of uses for this word. "Mingent" will not fade away into obscurity, not if I have anything to say about it. In fact, I'll come up with three sentences right now, just to prove it:

• "The mingent baby smiled and kicked his legs while dousing his unfortunate sister." (True story involving my brother Daniel and my sister Michele, circa 1984.)
• "The thing that surprised me most about Florence was the number of mingent boys I spotted taking aim at old churches." (True story from my post-college tour of Europe. In truth, Florence smelled like one giant urinal.)
• "I smelled the mingent bum long before I passed him in the subway tunnel." (Made this one up, thank goodness.)

3. The Grammar Vandal
Finally, meet Kate McCulley, the self-proclaimed Grammar Vandal (aka "Boston's Grammar Vigilante"), who carries a sheet of comma stickers and a Sharpie with her wherever she goes. "If an error glares at me," she says, "I'm there to destroy it." The concept is pretty darn funny. My reasons for not linking her up permanently, even though she was featured in an MSN article ("Fastidious spelling snobs pushed over the edge"), are that she never posts pictures of her grammar vandalism and she doesn't update her blog very regularly. But it's definitely worth a one-time visit.

In closing, if you're in the market for a moderately funny and very nerdy grammar t-shirt, check out the "Bad grammar makes me [sic]" products here.

Lucas out.

Defining Irony

Alanis Morrisette had it all wrong. It isn't like a black fly in your Chardonnay, and it isn't like rain on your wedding day. Those are just examples of crappy luck. As Mo Rocca once explained on VH1's I Love the '90s, rain on your wedding day would only be ironic if, say, you deliberately moved your wedding to Phoenix from Seattle in an effort to avoid the rain, and then it rained anyway. That's irony. However, as Mo pointed out, it is quite ironic that there's a song called "Ironic" that isn't, in fact, ironic.

As far as pop-culture irony definitions go, Mo's is the best I've heard. I didn't find this explanation from Reality Bites helpful at all:

Wynona Ryder (as Lelaina): Can you define "irony"?
Ethan Hawke (as Troy Dyer): It's when the actual meaning is the complete opposite from the literal meaning.
Angie Lucas: Huh?

For a more reliable definition that was not written by Ben Stiller or the geniuses over at VH1, check out the eight options at dictionary.com. But I think the following adventure story provides the perfect illustration of irony. Hang in there; it's a doozy.

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Chapter 1: Three years ago, while vacationing in Capitol Reef National Park, we decided to take a scenic drive through Cathedral Valley. (It's just as beautiful as it sounds.) To get there, we had to briefly ford a river. Luckily, we were in the sturdy Nissan Titan pictured above, with my husband Travis at the wheel and me in the navigator's seat. Our highly inadequate, hand-drawn map said we were supposed to drive a "short distance" in the river bed, then take a sharp left onto the next part of the trail. As we passed by what I thought was the road, I said, "Hey is that our turn?"

"Naah," said Travis. And so we kept going.

In mere seconds, I simultaneously felt and heard a distinct "klunk, klunk" as we drove off a short ledge. The water began to rise, and I could see it seeping in beneath the driver's side door. I gripped the door handle, white-knuckled and stammering, while 10-year-old Jeremy prayed in the back seat. Travis calmly threw it into reverse and started backing up against the current. I looked behind me and saw water pouring over the top of the tailgate. I was on the edge of panic, picturing us grasping the top of a drowned truck a mile downriver, waiting for rescue...when I felt the tires grip the terrain. We zoomed back up that ledge. Hallelujah! We were not going to be swept away! And that's the moment we struck the submerged tree.

 

Chapter 2: Three weeks ago, I was driving the truck to St. Marks Hospital to spend the day with my sister-in-law, who's battling breast cancer. Because we had been procrastinating the submerged-tree repair for three years, the rear bumper on the passenger side still proudly sported the battle scars from our river adventure. While I waited patiently at a stoplight in the freezing weather, a braless woman in a tanktop and pajama pants drove her compact car right into the driver's side of the bumper, giving us a matching dent on the driver's side. We contacted her insurance and our insurance, deciding to have both repairs done at once. And, after a day in the body shop, the old Titan was good as new.

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Chapter 3: Last week, Travis left a message on my phone that said, "You're never going to believe this. Call me as soon as you can." I called. A woman (fully clothed, as far as I know) rear-ended our poor truck in a restaurant parking lot, causing nearly identical damage as our original collision with the submerged tree. The damage is hard to see in this picture, but it's the best I could do, being an amateur collision photographer and all. So it's back to that same body shop to have the bumper, body, wheel well, and muffler fixed. Again. Isn't it ironic? Yes, I really do think.

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p.s. The creature you see reflected in the bumper above is not some poor defenseless dead animal; it's our lazy dog, Ruby, who's soaking up the sun on one of the first warm days of the season. No, she's not angry. That's just how her face looks.